Internal Battle
by rizzles-ff
Summary: Jane's feelings towards Maura awaken when she goes as an undercover to a lesbian bar. She likes her, she wants her, but something inside her doesn't let her be free... Will they be able to fight what's holding her back so they can be together?


**Title:** Internal Battle

**Pairing:** Jane and Maura

**Spoilers:** I Kissed a Girl

**Rating:** PG-13 this time

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them

**Summary:** Jane's feelings towards Maura awaken when she goes as an undercover to a lesbian bar. She likes her, she wants her, but something inside her doesn't let her be free... Will they be able to fight what's holding her back so they can be together?

Homicide detective Jane Rizzoli stepped out of her car and sighed loudly. She made sure it was locked before she started walking towards the building in front of her. She placed her hands in her pockets as she stopped halfway through. She looked up and read the sign. 'Merch'.

This is going to be a long night, she thought before finally deciding to go in. If it was going to be long, the sooner it started the sooner it would be over.

She hand't agreed on this plan. Going undercover to try and find a murderer didn't bother her too much, she had been in more dangerous situations, but having to go to a lesbian bar... that just wasn't her cup of tea, it was something she had been avoiding since she could recall. She had been curious, for sure, since she was 16 years old to say the least. But she knew she couldn't walk down that path, her mom was already disappointed because she wasn't girly enough, and later because had become a cop, and she didn't want to let her parents down even more, so she had decided one day many years ago to not even ponder the possibility. And so far it had worked well.

Jane chuckled, recalling how it had been Maura who finally got her in this mess. She had been the one to fill in her profile and the one who had helped Frost and Korsak convince her it was something that had to be done. By the end of the night, as they laid in bed, she had no option but to come here. The good thing was she had also convinced Maura to go with her, so she was not going to be alone and knew that if she needed a way out -not from the muderer, but from any girl- Dr. Isles would be there to help her out.

Jane ran a shaky hand through her hair before nodding her head to the security guard outside the bar. He knew who she was and why she was here, so he let her in without any questions. As soon as she entered she felt a weird feeling within her, but she quickly shook that thought out of her head and started looking around, searching for Maura.

It didn't take long before her eyes landed on the shorter woman. Maura didn't realize she was already there, but Jane couldn't keep her eyes off of her. She was wearing a tight black corset with white dots, it fit her perfectly well, the way it hugged her curves, the way it accentuated her breasts... Jane was speechless. She quickly shook her head and approched the undercover waitress.

"Your table is ready, miss," Maura said, smiling at her.

"Oh my God, put this on," Jane said, trying to cover her with her own coat, not wanting every woman in this place to be staring at her.

"No, I'm undercover," Maura replied, turning away from her. "Follow me," she said as she started walking towards the designated table.

"Oh my Goooood," Jane muttered, not sure if this was a good idea after all.

They headed to Jane's table, where she would be talking to several women throughout the night to see if any of them was the murderer.

"I'll be right back with your drink."

"Hm-hmm, thank you," Jane said, trying her hardest not to look at Maura because she could feel herself blushing. As her waitress for the night walked away, she couldn't help but stare at her. She looked gorgeous.

It didn't take long before her first date arrived. She was telling Jane her coming out story, and Jane was trying her hardest to pay attention and not get distracted by her surroundings. Of course, that was a hard thing to do thanks to Maura's choice for an outfit.

As Jane was pondering how to answer her 'date's question, Maura appeared from behind. "Ladies, may I get you something to drink?"

Jane turned her head around to reply, only to find herself looking straight at Maura's breasts. She tried her hardest to look away, but she kept staring at them. When she finally looked up, she saw Maura looking back at her. _Is Maura enjoying this?_

"No, we're good," Jane replied, although her mind screamed she wasn't good. At all. She shouldn't have agreed to this, this was a very bad idea. Especially now that Maura was around dressing like that.

The rest of the night passed by with several women sitting down and then leaving, none of them looking dangerous enough, except for the last one, and even though she refused to have something to drink, they still had ways to get a hold of her DNA. It was around 1am when their job was done, and Jane was feeling a little happier than usual. She wasn't drunk, but after the drinks she had to share with each one of her dates she was feeling a little less inhibited.

Maura approached her after putting away all the DNA samples and stood beside her. "Do you feel like leaving?" she asked her friend.

"Are you already inviting me to your place, without even buying me a drink first?" Jane teased her, a twinkle in her eyes. Maura laughed and shook her head, not even answering. Jane looked at her, smiling, once again surprised by the beauty before her. "You look really good today, Maura," Jane said, not really thinking the words that were coming out of her mouth. She could see her blushing at her comment, but smiling nonetheless.

"Why, Ms. Rizzoli, if I didn't know you better I'd say you're flirting with your waitress," she teased.

Suddenly, Jane's face became serious. "Dance with me," she asked, even though it sounded more like a polite order, looking at her straight in the eyes.

Maura looked taken aback and frowned. "Dance? But Jane..." she said, fidgeting, "I... You know that means to move one's feet or body, or both, rhythmically in a pattern of steps, and I could never do that..." she finished, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

Jane stood up, instinctively taking Maura's hand in her own, "Sure you can, Maura," she said, trying to lead her to the dance floor.

Maura shook her head, pulling her back, "No, really Jane, why don't we just go home?"

"C'mon, do it for me?" Jane pleaded, looking at her with puppy eyes, a look she knew Maura couldn't resist. "Look, I'll teach you, you just follow me."

"I am good at following instructions," Maura admitted, causing Jane to chuckle.

"Sure, I'll... instruct you."

Maura smiled, and Jane felt her relax. They started walking towards the dance floor, both feeling a little nervous although for different reasons. Maura could only focus on the fact that she was going to dance, because she really wasn't good at it, and Jane could hear her mind screaming not to do it, but it was already too late.

They stood there, looking at each other, both feeling like 12 years old preparing themselves for their first dance ever. Jane smiled at Maura, trying to reassure her everything would be okay and she could see the doctor nodding slightly.

Jane swallowed before taking a step closer, she took Maura's hands and placed them on her shoulders before wrapping her own around her waist as a slow song started playing. Maura looked up at her and sighed contently. It wasn't so bad after all.

"See, it's not that hard," Jane said, leaning closer so Maura could hear her better, "and now you just move slowly left and right," she said, swaying her hips from one side to the other.

"This is nice," Maura said, relaxing in the taller woman's arms.

"Isn't it?" Jane sighed, stepping a little bit closer, feeling Maura's head resting on her shoulder.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying the moment. Jane inhaled, feeling Maura's perfume fill her nostrils, and her stomach did a little flip. What was she doing? Right now she had a mix of feelings, on one side she knew she should stop, on the other she didn't want to.

"Have you ever done this?" Maura asked quietly.

"What? Slow dance?" Jane chuckled, "of course."

"No, but... I mean, with a woman," Maura asked, instantly feeling Jane tense up and trying to pull away, but she tensed her grip around her neck, not letting her move any further. "It's just a question," she said, looking up only to see Jane looking away. "Jane..."

Jane swallowed. She shouldn't have asked her to dance. What was she thinking? This was definitely a bad idea, even though it felt so right, it was leading to places she didn't want to go.

"Jane, look at me," Maura said, not liking the way she was acting. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but don't pull away, it was just a question."

Jane swallowed again, trying to fight the thoughts that came to her mind, trying to fight the feeling of rightfulness of it all. She finally looked at Maura, feeling completely vulnerable as a single tear crossed her cheek. "Could we just not talk about it?"

Maura nodded, not before instinctively brushing the tear off with her thumb. "It's okay, you know?"

"What is?"

"Feeling... this."

Jane snorted. "Right, who says so, some scientific experiment?"

Maura tilted her head, "Not exactly an experiment, more like a pap-"

"Oh, God, Maura!" Jane said, exasperated. She just wanted to leave, get away from it all. "You know what, this was a bad idea, why don't we just leave?"

"Shouldn't we talk about whatever's bothering you?"

"What for, Maura? What's the point?"

"Well, you would feel better, and..."

Jane untangled herself from Maura and took a few step backwards. "Feel better? You really think so, Maura? Because I don't!" she said a little louder than she wanted, causing some heads to turn their way. "God, and now I'm making a scene..." she muttered more to herself than anyone else. She looked at Maura, confusion written all over her face. "I'm gonna go, okay?"

"Jane, wait!" Maura said, but it was too late, she was already heading towards the door and Maura didn't have any option left but follow her. She wasn't going to let her walk home alone.

Detective Barry Frost and Vince Korsak looked at each other as they saw Jane and Maura leave through the bar doors. They had been in a room taping everything since Jane got there, as to have her covered in case the murderer appeared, but had been watching everything that had happened after that.

"What's going on?" Korsak asked, slightly confused.

"I don't really know..." Frost replied, although he had an idea.

"You think Jane's..."

"What? Gay?"

Korsak only nodded.

"I don't know... I've always wondered... Haven't you?"

"Yeah, I guess... I don't know, her and Dr. Isles' relationship seems pretty... especial."

"Would you be okay with it?" Frost asked him.

"Me? Sure... I mean, I love Jane, she's a great detective and was a great partner, nothing will change that."

"I agree," Frost said, looking at the screens in front of him, both the detective and the doctor were nowhere to be seen. He frowned, not liking how things had evolved. Clearly Jane had some things she had to resolve. And if she let him, he was going to do anything to help her.

"Jane. Jane!" Maura yelled, walking a few steps behind Jane, still not being able to catch up with her. "Come on, Jane, stop!" she said, feeling tired, she wasn't good at chasing people.

"Leave me alone, Maur," Jane replied, not stopping and not looking back.

"Look, we don't have to talk about it, but just let me walk you home."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but... I..." Maura sighed, she could be so stubborn sometimes. Okay, maybe all the time. "Jane!" Maura yelled one more time, this time angrily, she was being too childish for her own good. Apparently that did it for her as Jane slowly stopped, but didn't turn around. Maura walked around her to face her. "Jane, what's the matter?"

Jane sighed, running a shaky hand through her hair, not daring to look at the person in front of her. "You really don't know?"

Maura shook her head. "No."

Jane looked at her, "This..." she said, pointing between the two of them, "This is... not okay."

"What isn't, Jane?"

"Weren't you in there too?" Jane asked, exasperated, how could she not notice?

"I was, but... But we were just dancing."

"Just dancing?"

Maura hesitated. "Well... But, it's nothing bad, Jane, you shouldn't get like this."

"You think it isn't bad, Maura? Really?"

"I..." Maura started, but then realized she didn't know what to say. She didn't quite understand the whole situation, it's not like having an intimate moment with another woman was such a big deal.

"You don't get it, do you?" Jane said, taking a step closer to her to make her point clear. "You don't get how complicated it is to be around you right now? To look at you without... without..." she couldn't finish her own sentence.

Worried eyes looked at her, "Without what, Jane?"

Jane looked at her directly in the eyes, the cold breeze waking up her senses but still not enough to shut her up. "Without wanting to kiss you, dammit! I mean, I look at you, dressed like that," she said, pointing her up and down, "and all I want to do is fucking kiss you!"

Maura swallowed, looking back at her straight in the eyes. She knew this was Jane speaking, not the alcohol, not the drinks, nothing else but Jane. She opened her mouth to speak but then paused. She didn't really know how to respond, what to say to make things better, so she replied with what she felt was the right answer. "Then why don't you?" she whispered.

Jane looked surprised at first and she narrowed her eyes to see if she was serious. She could see nothing but truth in her eyes.

"I..." Jane swallowed.

Maura took a step closer, never taking her eyes away from her. "Just do it..."

Jane looked at her lips and licked her own. She wanted to. So bad. But part of her told her not to, told her it would only mess things up.

"Jane..."

"Hmmm?" she managed to say.

"I want you to..."

Jane swallowed again, not taking her eyes away from Maura's lips, watching closely every move they made. "You... You do?"

Maura bit her lip and nodded. She really, really did.

Jane couldn't resist it anymore, even though her head told her otherwise, her feet took one step forward, closing the distance between them. She looked at her one more time, "You look absolutely..."

Maura's finger pressed against her lips, shutting her up. Jane smiled at the gesture, feeling heat run down her spine as she licked her lips, slowly leaning towards Maura.

The moment their lips touch everything else seemed to disappear. Jane could feel Maura moan as the kiss started to deepen. It was shy at first, but soon after their mouths opened and their tongues started battling for dominance. The kiss was heated, desperate, needy as Maura's hands tugged the bottom of Jane's shirt.

They kissed under the clear night sky as if nothing else mattered until both of them had to pull away to catch their breaths. They looked at each other and Maura could see confusion take over Jane's expression.

"I..." Jane stuttered.

"Don't even..." Maura started, fearing the worst.

"I have to go," Jane said, quickly turning around and walking away. This had not happened. This couldn't have happened. _What the hell was I thinking?_ she thought as she disappeared around the corner, the feeling of Maura's lips on hers still present.

Maura stood there, blinking. She was confused by Jane's reaction. She thought it was what Jane wanted. It was what she wanted, but she did not understand why Jane had just walked away.

She decided to go home. Maybe Jane needed a little time alone to process it all. Tomorrow everything would be okay... wouldn't it?

**A/N:** Comments, good or bad, are always welcome!


End file.
